Gettin closer to 3 am. I have not slept yet. I don’t get it is because of this homework about Machine Intelligence and Robotics that drains my mind, or another thing? Today, or tonight, actually some of my cells within my body are transforming into something i forget from Biology class in high school. They are regenerating, splitting, and the old ones die.Well i will be 19 in three hours, because my mum said i was born at 7 in the morning. Yesterday, i felt like this day would never come because it was so quite, since i am not famous and well known, i was so sure that today is not my birthday. But well the day has been coming and no one can deny that today is the birthday of me and all of other people those were born on the same day like mine. It is completely unbelievable that i have been being through my life for 19 years until people know me as me today. But at the moment, right now, im feeling so regret about my 19 years life.
About 19 years ago, my mum was feeling something kicked her stomach from the inside, trying to survive just because she wanted me to be born and see a much brighter world than the world in her womb. They named me a name that i have told you in the older post. They scenario-ed me to be a leader by giving that name. May they prayers come true.
Within 19 years, i dont think i have done something useful for people, and it is something that makes me so awful. When i saw and heard that so many guys in the same age with me or even younger had done so many big things in their life. Why were i born inti this world? and i always remember that God never makes anything without any specific purpose, so i think i have to do something for my life and make myself useful for others. I dont want to just study and read history, i want to make the story itself, and i am still lookin for the way how. My birthday is right around the corner, and i have not got any direction yet about my life, im clueless, blind, paralyzed, and dusty.
Yesterday, my sister tagged a pic of my birthday cake. It was so great that they remember my birthday and celebrated it there, when i didnt feel anything here. I had a dream to get out of my old neigbourhood and get to somewhere abroad. But right now, im suddenly missing them, missing all of the moment there and all of my laziness, and how my grandma would rub my head, give advice, and pray for me with the old style. Or exactly previous year, when i was thrown into a filthy pond by my classmates right on the day of the final exam, im missing them singing happy birthday, chasing each other so that everybody gets wet.
Dudes it is my birthday but actually it is not really about birthday, it is about living out the dreams…. on this day i have to decide what it is i want to do with my life from tomorrow on., and time’s running out. It is an another year for me, and i know it will be harder. Something about my life is i want to be a lantern, light, or even Severus Snape’s patronus. Light lets me see something thou its dark. sometimes, Light can either warm you or burn you. Sometimes i can warm people around me when in another time i can be so outburst and explosive. I want to be the light that can guide people to get out of the dark, show they the way the have to be through, but i cant read the future, i dunno what would i be. as long as i can choose, i wanna be the light that can benefit you.
I know i have to do something for my life. I have to plan it, before i blow another candle out, before i enter another year. There is something to be said about the power of a dream, take the risk and it pays off.